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The last 30 days of my life have been the best I’ve had in a long time AND the worst I’ve had in the long time. Emotional roller coaster.

It all started one month ago yesterday. The day started off perfectly as the entire family traveled North to pick up my Brother from the airport. I love my Brother. He’s in the Navy and stationed in Hawaii … and I hadn’t seen him in almost a year! He only had a week to be home as he had more training to complete in San Diego before being deployed to Japan … and I was ready to soak up as much together time as possible during his short 7 days at home.

That evening when we got back from picking him up turned into the worst day (night) of my Parenting life … ever. I can’t go into the details, because I respect her privacy and would never talk about what happened on the Internets, but I will say … Nobody wants to see their kid have to go through hard times. Nobody wants to see them suffer. By the way, Newsflash … it’s hard being a parent. Having to be the one that makes big decisions. And also having to be the one who enforces those decisions thereby making you (me) not so popular in the eye of your (my) child.

I’ve talked to God more in the last month than I have in the last year. Begging and pleading with him to show me the way. To please please please not let me screw this situation up worse. Telling God to “take it” because this problem is bigger than me and bigger than I can control or handle.

Having Trust in anyone … even in God … is not my strong suit. But I’m getting there. I’m trying.

The day that followed was the worst day in my adult life … ever … as that was the day that the health problems smacked us in the face and made it VERY clear that life isn’t a given … and everything really can change in the blink of an eye. I can talk a little more about this situation, because it is about us adults, and not the kids whose privacy I try to respect.

Standing next to my Husband in an Emergency Room while he’s being hooked up to wires and machines and IVs and EKGs … was not a fun day. Trying to hold it together and be the strong one was a good thing … as it at least kept my mind from panicking in that moment.

Call my Brother to pick up the kids from School. Check.
Call J’s parents … and Sister … and Business Partner … and Cousin who happens to be his best friend. Check.
Call my Mom and tell her to GET HERE NOW. Check.
Call … my Boss … my Best Friend … Check.
Stay calm. Don’t panic.
Fill out paperwork and find Insurance cards.
Bounce back and forth to the waiting room giving updates.
Convince J everything will be fine.
LOOK AT ME! I said …
I love you. Everything is going to be fine.
If I’m calm. He’s calm(er).

Look up at his Blood Pressure. 199/127.
Not good. Not good.
Smile.
Hold his hand and kiss his forehead.
Re-adjust his electrode thingees because the machine is going crazy cause he bumped one of them.
Smile some more.
Everything is going to be fine!

Xray comes to get him.
Listen to him beg for me to go. Xray says no that they’ll have him right back.
He’s gone.
I’m calling and updating.
They bring him back RUNNING down the hallway.
He’s passed out.
Bottomed out.
WHITE. Or more like GREY really.
Shit.
I’ve never seen a person sweat like that.
Sweat that looked like pouring down rain … without the rain.

Blood pressures so low they can’t get a reading.
How does it go from 199/127 to almost nothing.
In less than 10 minutes.
What is happening??

IVs are hooked up.
Blood sugar is checked.
Panic
Panic
Panic
Blood Sugar is fine … Time to give him Atropine to bring him back up.
Dear God PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let him be okay.
My life doesn’t WORK WITHOUT HIM !!!

Life changes in the blink of an eye. Having to face the “what ifs” is hard. Having to think for even 5 seconds … what will I do IF … before pushing the thought OUT of my head … is more than I can handle.

The past month has been hard … but it’s also been wonderful in a strange sort of way. We’re closer. Much closer. The four of us have been inseparable since all of these traumatic events took place.

We eat together, watch TV together, grocery shop together, go to the Gym together and do housework together. Before October, all of us (mostly the kids) were constantly going in different directions and meeting up at the end of the day before collapsing in bed. Now we are very much a “family” who travels in a pack. Where one goes, we all go. And it’s been great.

We’re slowly working through the problems with the teenager and more and more each day … I see my kid coming back through. And I’ve missed her. A lot. She had her 18th Birthday this month. She got her first car. We’re applying for scholarships and touring college campuses and ordering graduation announcements. We’re shopping for outfits for Senior pictures and making hair/makeup appointments for that day.

J’s health stuff is slowly resolving itself as well. Follow up Doctor visits. Medication adjustments. A month off from the gym to rest (he just started going back 3 days ago). And learning that stress … is so overrated. Letting go of the small details that can drive you crazy on any given day, has been a blessing. Banning together to get things done and staying calm in the process, has brought my family closer together.

Reality is scary and facing it is really hard. But it is what it is … and we’re dealing with it. I’m just thankful that we’re all here, and together, and handling it … as the family we’re meant to be.