I Hate Roller Coasters

In real life … and in “life situations” … I hate roller coasters.

Granted. Sometimes I will voluntarily sit my ass in the seat and strap myself in. (On an ACTUAL roller coaster) And then scream the entire time. And then SWEAR I will never do “that” again. But, in general, I hate them. I like to be in control and on top of things. I do NOT like feeling like I’m going to fly off this planet at any time without at least getting a vote on which planet I’ll land on.

This past weekend, was rough. Wednesday-Sunday actually. Life was a roller coaster and I did NOT have a seat belt on. So. Just hanging on with the tips of my fingers and praying that I would make it.

Had my first panic attack in literally years. THAT was fun. I got so used to having them back in the day that I had the situation downplayed in my head for sure! No Biggie! Yeah I USED to get them but … heh … whatever.

FUCK. It sucked. SO bad. I’m grateful I knew what was happening because otherwise I would have thought I was dying. But I knew. And I’ve got a tool box full of coping skills to try when it comes down to it. But. Being in the fetal position, on the floor almost under my bed, crying hysterically and NOT being able to see … or breathe … or even comprehend words… for half an hour. Kinda scary. And I do NOT want to go down that road (mental health wise) again.

Monday til now we’ve been okay. We’re on a down swing from stress. And by “we” I mean me and the Husband. What he feels. I feel. When he’s stressed …. I take care of him. It’s exhausting, but …. he’s SO worth it. And he does the same for me when situations are reversed.

If I’m telling the truth, I’m just scared. I don’t know what the future holds. And I’m scared to death if his stress level is this bad NOW …. if anything worse ‘does’ happen ….. will I be able to …. keep him on this planet and NOT spiraling off the roller coaster to freaking Neptune or somewhere.

If you pray …. add us to your prayer list.

Much love <3

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