Plurk will be the death of me. Twitter was bad enough. Now with both, I’m doomed. No time to work, blog or shower. lol Which will no doubt lead to being fired, forgetting my own URL and my friends and family running for the hills to escape the smell. I KID! But seriously. Are you on Plurk??? Am I your Friend??? If not … you suck! Add me if you’d like to stop sucking and return to being AWESOME !

Now, inhale, and hang on. This is tough. My baby was injured yesterday. Did you see it ??? Did you immediately think, OMG LC is NOT going to handle this well, at all. Because I was seriously in tears. I love that boy … and scared doesn’t even touch it. But thank heavens he’s been released from the Hospital and all is well. But Trust! I’m not going to another game until my little Molina is recovered and playing again. It’d be a waste of time, gas and beer in my opinion. Yadi makes my day, even from home, so if he ain’t playin, I ain’t goin. Unless, of course, he needs me to sit with him, hold his hand and comfort him while he’s recovering. THAT, can be arranged. Seriously.

And lastly, wedding photos. I had such an amazing time. It was beautiful. SHE was beautiful. My baby girl all grown up and married. The guy who did her wedding video did the traditional, get everyone to give a toast to the camera thing, which made me nervous as hell. NO warning. NO time to think of the perfect thing to say … but this is kinda sorta what I said … if I remember correctly. The beer was already flowing by this point, but I think I pulled it off.

Liss … I’ve loved you since the moment you were born. And you know, due to our age difference (I’m almost 13 years older) you’re more like my child than my sister. I’ve watched you grow up and turn into an amazing young woman. Nothing you do surprises me, but that’s only because to ME, there isn’t anything you can’t do. To see you stand on that stage, looking more beautiful than ever, getting married to your soul mate, makes my heart smile. And the look on his face, and the tears in his eyes when he said his vows to you, makes me know more than ever, that you guys were meant to be together. I’ve never been more proud of you than I am today and I’m honored to call you my sister. I love you baby girl and I’m so excited to have B** as a part of our family.

Do you realize how long it has been since I’ve consumed fast food ???? Apparently you DON’T or your would NOT have given me COLD soggy fries and NO HOT MUSTARD sauce (like I ordered) with my gee dee McNuggets. Seriously. For the first time since APRIL I’m ordering my favorite fast food EVAH. McNuggets. HOT salty fries. AND HOT MUSTARD SAUCE. And I’ll be damned if every component of my order wasn’t effing WRONG. I hate you. May the fleas of ONE THOUSAND camels infest your armpit hair that we all KNOW is at least 8 inches long.

Sincerely yours,
(I HATE YOU!!!)
LC

PS … Wedding photos are loaded in MySpace (but only like 10 of em) and Facebook (like … 6 billion of em). I’ll upload to Flickr tomorrow (hopefully).

The shopping trip on Saturday was a success! I found everything that I needed except for the lamp I want for my office at home. I just can’t find what I’m looking for …. yet. I’m getting more patient in my old age though, because I’m NOT going to buy just any old lamp. I’ll KNOW the right one when I see it. So for now, the search continues !!!

Saturday night the Husband and I went OUT! As in, OUTSIDE of our home. *SHOCKER* I know! I was excited too. And, on top of that, we had a designated driver, so we BOTH got to drink. This never happens. For one thing, we rarely RARELY socialize unless we invite people to come hang out at our house. We’re homebodies. It’s just easier (and more comfortable - yay for jammie pants!) to stay home. Second, when we DO go out, normally we have to take turns when it comes to who gets to drink and who has to stay sober to drive us home. I’m not young and stupid anymore. I don’t want to die in a fiery car crash NOR do I want to wake up in a cell with some toothless, tattooed, BERTHA type woman spooning me from behind. So yeah. Needless to say, most weekends I’m perfectly content just to drink my box of wine from the comfort of my own home with my cute ass planted on my couch with my family and my Tivo for company.

I didn’t take my camera with me unfortunately. I’m not a professional anymore. I can’t go out without losing something (or worse someone!) anymore. That song … Tequila makes her clothes come off ?!? … that’s ME !! Saturday night I even refused to bring my purse in the building with me. I gave the Husband my keys, my ID, my cigarettes (only smoke when I drink now!), my lighter, and made sure he had money on him. The ONLY thing in my hand when I walked in was my phone, and that’s because I was talking on it. We were only there a couple of hours (before inviting everyone back to our house because apparently old habits die hard! Homebodies for life man.) and when it was time to go I couldn’t find my shoes, my smokes, my drink, OR my phone. It was funny. Everything was found within a matter of minutes, because my friends rock, but I had left crap on the bar (smokes!), on other tables (my drink!), on the dance floor (shoes!) and in the bathroom (phone!). Who knows where my camera would’ve ended up. lol

Sunday we lounged by the pool all day. Relaxing, except for the high pitched whining my niece and nephew did all day. Sometimes I’m so glad my kids are older and not babies. I don’t have the patience for that crap anymore. I would NOT make a good hotline investigator.

Hello? Child Abuse Hotline may I help you ??? Ohhh, you back handed your 3 year old ??? After he asked for “an-udder” Cheeto 30 separate times and every. single. time. walked over to the pool and threw it in and then CRIED because his Cheeto DIED ??? Is he still breathing ??? You’re forgiven. BuhBye.

Here are a few pictures of the kid posing with his two new friends he found yesterday. He named them Steve and Austin. How original, I know. All the kids thought they were the best, most awesome, creatures in the world … but I didn’t want any part of them. I’m still anti-reptile at the moment.

Frogs on Shoulders Take 1 - Whoops ! We have a jumper!

Frogs on Shoulders Take 2 - Frogs Good! Boy looks like a dork with those hands.

Frogs on Shoulders Take 3 - GOLD!

Me and the teenager are heading to the Mall today to do a little last minute wedding shopping. I always have to sit down and make a list before I go, otherwise the bright! exciting! stores! distract me and I end up buying everything except what I actually needed. On today’s list …

1. KC needs shoes still to go with the dress she’s wearing in the wedding.

2. KC is also in desperate need of new bras. God must love her, because she has no complaints in the boob department. As she often reminds me …. “You’ll never have to pay for my boobs Mom :) !!”

3. I also need a new bra to wear with my bridesmaid dress. I hate strapless bras … but after trying on my dress I think I need one. Dress is still a litttle big. I don’t need the twins making an unwelcome appearance at the reception.

4. KC needs an outfit to wear to the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Ripped jeans and black t-shirts with skulls has become her wardrobe recently. Don’t think that’s gonna cut it for a wedding. Gotta dress her up a bit.

5. AND while we’re looking for new outfits … if I just HAPPEN to see something new I’d like …. I’ll probably buy that too ;)

6. My son is in desperate need of SHORTS for the Summer. Homeslice GREW this year. Hella exciting since he has recently become the 3rd smallest kid in his grade which pisses him off more than anything. I’m pretty sure that HUGE growth spurt is right around the corner!

7. While we’re looking for clothes, we’re gonna see if we can find VACATION clothes for KC also. Girl hates shorts, but it’s SO hot at the beach, we’re gonna look for something she can live with to avoid the heat stroke!

8. I HAVE to go by Barnes and Noble. I have NOTHING new to read. My brain isn’t happy.

9. MIGHT have to get a Frap from Starbucks while I’m in there. Just sayin …

10. CHEMICALS for the hot tub. We’re completely out … so it’s drained and empty … and damnit … I miss her.

11. Gotta swing by Pier1 or somewhere of the like. I need a new lamp for my office at home. I’ve stole the one out of my bedroom for now … but I’m missing it in there … so we must get another.

12. Ohhh and I have a nifty idea for one last gift for my sister, so I’m gonna hit Hobby Lobby and look to see if they have what I’m thinking.

Busy Day! Can’t Wait !

Well the day is here. Sex and the City premieres TONIGHT. I’ve said for months and months that I would be there, on opening night, with the rest of the female population, SO ready to soak in every sexy moment. But now, on the actual day, I’m wavering on that decision. You see, for the past couple of months I’ve been dieting. Trying to lose weight for my sister’s wedding which just happens to be a week from tomorrow. The only times I’ve cheated were my Husband’s Birthday, my weekend in Memphis at the beginning of May, and my Anniversary on May 15. Ohhh, okay, AND this past weekend because I made fresh Strawberry Shortcake and DAMNIT if it wasn’t calling my name. I HAD to have a litttle. But seriously, other than those few cheats, I’ve been hella faithful and determined.

When the diet started, I didn’t really have a set “goal” in mind as far as how many pounds I wanted to lose. I just wanted to feel better. I didn’t want to feel self-conscience in my dress thinking that I stood out like a sore thumb in the middle of the Barbie Squad. YES … I call my sister and her other bridesmaids the Barbie Squad. I say it with a smile. I’m not being mean. But seriously, my sister weighs less than 100 pounds and is a size 0. Actually her wedding dress is a size 0 and she had to have it altered and taken in because it was too big !! Two of her bridesmaids are the same size as her, give or take 10 pounds … and the other bridesmaid, while a little more “normal-sized” is still a LOT tinier than me. So basically, there are these 4 other girls in the wedding who are tiny and petite … toned and tanned … none of them have babies … and only ONE is old enough to legally drink. They’re still in their perfect little cheerleader bodies not having experienced LIFE yet … and the way LIFE tends to wreak havoc on the female body. No cellulite. No stretch marks. Not one pound of extra weight. *Sigh* To be young again.

So I did this diet, not only for HER, because let’s face it … wedding pictures live on FOREVER, but also for myself. I want to feel GOOD about myself and the way I look next Saturday. I want my Husband to say DAMN MOMMA … you’re looking HAWT in that dress !!! I don’t want to feel uncomfortable and out of place.

This morning I hopped on the scale and saw a number that I haven’t seen in a LONG time. I had to do a double-take. Then I drug my Hubby in there and made HIM do a double-take. Then I found my son and made HIM do a double-take. It was a family event. I couldn’t help it, I was just SO excited. As of this morning I met my mini-goal of losing 23 pounds. GO ME !!! I was honestly just hoping to get close. I figured I would miss this weight by about 5 pounds (which would’ve been fine) … but here I am, one week early, and I’m right where I want to be !!! Except for the fact that I’ve been doing these stupid arm exercises with weights and everything, trying to TONE up my fat arms which will be hanging OUT of my strapless dress … and I just don’t think it’s working. They look fatter than ever … at least they do to me. But yanno … I’ve been tanning … and brown fat looks much prettier than white fat … so hopefully the tan will make it a litttle better. lol

So the idea at this point is to lose maybe a couple more pounds this week, but if nothing else, MAINTAIN the weight loss. Thing is, I don’t think I can GO to the movies and NOT have the biggest greasiest bucket of HOT BUTTERED POPCORN on my lap. I think the smell would KILL ME if I tried to resist. And honestly, I know me. There is no resisting. I’d cave. Within minutes. And I would HATE myself for it come next Saturday.

So there you have it. I’m NOT going to see the movie of the year for at least another week and a half. I have FAITH in myself. I can do this. I will NOT read the recaps online. I will NOT read your blogs where I know you’ll be talking about the awesomeness of it all. I may be the last female on the planet to soak up the sexiness … but DAMNIT all to hell … I will look HAWT in that dress next Saturday.

Disclaimer: This post contains excess use of the word SO and also contains LOTS of curse words. Yanno, on top of the icky disgusting part. Read at your own risk.

After our super yummy BBQ on Sunday I cleaned up the kitchen, loaded the dishwasher, opened another beer and plopped my ass down in the living room to watch TV. I had a full belly and I was sleepy as hell. It had been a good day.

A few minutes later my awesome Husband wandered in and laid down on the couch with me. Everybody else had left to go home; my Daughter was in her room doing whatever it is that teenagers do; the boys (my son and his friend) had taken off on their bikes to the park; and WE were all alone. So, of course we were planning to do what normal adults with NO kids and QUIET TIME would do …. take a nap ! What?? Give me a break. We’re old and tired these days.

We snuggled up together and found a movie on TV. Evan Almighty. Yes we’ve seen it a million times, but it’s cute, and not something that I mind falling asleep in the middle of. Anyway, just as we were both about to close our eyes, we hear something. I have NO idea what it was. I just know that we both heard it, looked at each other and immediately sat up and starting trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. Yeah, we didn’t have to wait long. **shudders**

About 2 seconds later a MOTHER FUCKING SNAKE comes crawling out of our wall by our fireplace. OMG OMG OMG !!! I KNOW !!! I was freaking the fuck OUT ! I ran for one door and Jace ran for the other. We both HATE snakes. I was screaming at him saying “OMG, What do we do ????” and he was screaming back “I have no idea baby … it’s a MOTHER FUCKING snake !!!” And I was all …. “I fucking know THAT, but what do we DO ???” And he’s all … “AGGGGGGGGGG!!!! I have no idea.” And I’m all … “KILL IT !!!!!!!!!”

So Jace LEAVES ME inside with the MOTHER FUCKING SNAKE and tells me to …. are you ready for this …. watch it. I’m thinking, Whaa? Watch the fucking snake ??? Uhhh … okay I guess.

So I’m “watching” the most disgusting, gross, icky creature I’ve ever seen (in my house anyways) and the mother fucker crawls BACK into the fucking wall where he came out. I KNOW !!! Now, not only do I KNOW there’s a snake in my house, but now it could be ANYWHERE. I’m freaking OUT. Times five.

So then Jace comes back in, with a shovel, and says … “Where’d it go.” So I tell him that it crawled back into the wall and he seriously looks at me and says … “Why’d you let it do that ?!?!” SERIOUSLY. Like I’m going to stop it. I’m not touching that thing. **double shutter**

So in the meantime of having NO idea what to do because we can’t KILL something we can’t SEE, I decide to be BRAVE and start taking things off of the mantle above my fireplace. I knew if that fucker came back out, Jace was gonna SMACK it, and I didn’t want my shit broken in the process. So I’m cleaning and constantly jumping around because I’m scared that it’s gonna come back out and GET ME … and guess what happens next. GUESS. THE FUCKING THING COMES BACK OUT AND IS ABOUT THIS CLOSE TO MY FUCKING HEAD !!! And by THIS CLOSE I mean pretty damn close. So I scream and run and Jace smacks the snake with the shovel. **ICK**

At this point we had only seen PART of the snake because most of it was still in the wall, but after he KILLED IT the stupid thing fell the rest of the way out (and landed ON my mantle) and ended up being close to 5 feet long. FIVE MOTHER FUCKING FEET !!! But that’s not the best part. It gets WORSE. Also in the process of falling onto my mantle, the dead snake pulls out with it …. ANOTHER FUCKING SNAKE.

TWO SNAKES IN MY HOUSE. TWO, MOTHER FUCKING SNAKES IN MY FUCKING HOUSE !!!! This people, is enough to cause me a nervous breakdown.

But okay. It’s four days later and I’m a little calmer. So I’ll wrap this up and not make it into the book that it should be. Snake 1 was a little under 5 feet. Snake 2 was a little over 4 feet. BOTH are dead. And please don’t give me shit about killing them (like everyone else has) because we were fucking scared and panicked and had to do SOMETHING to get them out of our house and I was not about to make friends with them and carry them out while fanning them and feeding them grapes. I’m NOT into reptiles thank you very much. My Dad came down and looked at them (cause he’s Mr. Nature himself and knows about this crazy shit) and confirmed that they were Black Snakes. Completely harmless. Except for the FUCKING HEART ATTACK they gave me !!! We found the hole where they got in (missing half a brick under my deck) and plugged that up and then plugged up the gap in the wall where they came in by my fireplace. So far we haven’t heard anything else and we’re hoping that there are NO MORE. I don’t think I could live through that again. **triple shudders**

There is a picture of them below … in the bottom of the trash can we scooped them into (with the end of the shovel) after we got them outside. It’s gross though. I wouldn’t look if I were you.

PS … Anyone ELSE think it’s weird that we were watching Evan Almighty (yanno about Noah) when TWO snakes come crawling out of my wall ??? Weird ??? Yeah. Me thinks so too.

(more…)

I can’t believe I’m showing you guys these pictures. Well, can’t believe the after one more that the before. The after was taken in the midst of our DRAMA with the BAD NEWS. Yes, that post is half-way done. My kid has baseball tonight. I’m sorry. I’m trying to finish it. Anyways. It was RAINING and there was DRAMA and I was FREAKING OUT … so ya’ll excuse the greasy truck driver look right ???? Cause … Left ??? Home girl is looking MOUSY !! WITH a super hottttt little guy next to her, so he completely saved the day, but seriously. The hair ??? AWFUL. Thirteen freaking MONTHS with NO color. WAITING for it to grow out and NEW hair to arrive that was healthy and shit. But then, after the NEW hair … on the RIGHT ???? which should be kicking ass and taking names ???? Biatch is looking Nassssty !!!! Seriously. All slicked down and … a WHUTT ??? look on my face. Yeah. I definitely AIN’T proud :) But I’m sharing. Cause I have guilt about the EXCITING post taking so long. And because OH MYYY FREAKING GOD there is COLOR in my hair. No matter how awful it looks right THEN … there is COLOR !!! Glorious awesome COLOR !!!!

What can I say ???? That’s JUST how much I love you guys :) !!!