Turns out. Health scares … are … in fact … freaking scary!
It all started a few months ago. I was in the shower and all of a sudden I just felt it. This lump … right below my collar bone. It was one of the those moments that stopped time and made me feel like I was the one spinning while everything else stood still.
I couldn’t believe it was the first time I’d noticed it. It wasn’t there before and … then it WAS.
Sticking out. Noticeable. If I wore a low collared shirt you could see it quite clearly. HUGE lump below my collar bone and a significant amount of swelling above my collar bone.
So off to the Doctor I went.
Doctor. (Ummm … doesn’t look good. Maybe Cancer? Idk.)
Referral to another Doctor.
Doctor. (Ummmm … doesn’t look good. Cyst maybe? Idk.)
Referral to another Doctor.
Doctor. (Ummmm … doesn’t look good. Swollen Lymph node maybe? Idk.)
Referral to get a Mammogram. Which was my first Mammogram and was NOT nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Results were perfect and honestly … Anxiety about yearly appointments in the future = None. I’ll gladly go.
Referral to get an Ultrasound. Which was fine except the Ultrasound Tech seemed upset and worried about other things… which made me nervous and made me feel like there was something SO wrong with me. Which there WAS … but I didn’t need the anxiety that day.
Back to the Doctor. Referral to a Surgeon.
And then enters my FAVORITE Doctor (Surgeon!). I’ll just call him my McDreamy because … yeah. He is young. (And Cute!) And tall. (And Cute!) And confident. (And Cute!) And kind. (And Spoiler Alert: when the day of surgery finally came … the nurses at the Hospital were all … OMG! Dr. McDreamy just pulled in the parking lot! And everyone scrambled around trying to make everything perfect. Then they fawned over him and several Nurses told me I was lucky because he was their favorite etc. So I basically pictured myself to be in a middle of a Grey’s Anatomy episode … and that’s just FUN!)
Anyway … He saw me and said … I don’t like this thing (which I didn’t either) … lets get that sucker out. Yas! Please!
He didn’t scare me. He didn’t throw words around like Cancer or “this doesn’t look good” … he just wanted it out … which made me want to be his best friend forever.
So we scheduled surgery. Quickly. He wanted to do it the next day but my Husband was out of town and of course he had to be there. So I saw McDreamy on a Wednesday and we scheduled surgery for the following Tuesday.
The longest (almost) week of my life.
The thoughts that went through my head. Ridiculous in hindsight. But you just never know. The worst day of my life could’ve been in less than a weeks time. Lists started running through my head. Things I needed to say. Things I needed to write down. From bills and passwords … to I love yous and what ifs. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I went from grouchy and irritated to the most loving person ever.
Then the day came and OMG! The anxiety. THE ANXIETY! I thought I was having a panic attack for almost 4 hours. From the moment I woke up (too early) to the moment they knocked me out. My heart rate when they checked me in was almost 130. And it stayed there until they put me under. Everyone kept saying to calm down but … I just couldn’t.
And I’m a person who doesn’t fear Doctors. I’ve had my wisdom teeth out (and was put under to do so). I’ve had a boob job (which is SURGERY surgery). I’ve gotten tattoos. I’ve given birth to two babies. Never one moment of fear in the past.
Long story short. It went great.
I walked away with a 2 inch scar below my collar bone … followed up with pain meds which worked wonders … followed up with a phone call from McDreamy saying that pathology determined that it was a BENIGN mass (with a fancy name that I don’t care about) … followed up with an office visit with him yesterday to remove my stitches.
He walked in and gave me a high five and said … ”Thank God you don’t have Cancer! BAM!” And I couldn’t agree more.
The last couple of months have been a roller coaster. BUT I couldn’t be more happy to end up in the place where we are.
Everything is fine. I am healthy. I have been scanned and ultrasounded and blood worked to the ends of the earth. And now that this MASS has been removed…. I am one healthy girl for sure!
Onward and Upward.
Much love ♥