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Sweet Mother Mary I’m exhausted today.    Kassi B, my sweet little ALMOST one year old  Grandbaby (10 more days!) woke at up 2:30 this morning with a tummy ache.  Her Mommy got up with her of course, but my Mimi Bear instincts still kept me awake while she was crying.   Then the Husband had to leave early to go to a sale in St. Louis … so his alarm was set for 3:30 am.    I’m an awesome wife (duh!) so I got up with him and made him some coffee and breakfast (Translation: Keurig! and canned biscuits in the oven ..ha!)   So by the time he finally got out the door, I was wide awake for the day.  Now, not so much.  I’m sitting in my cozy little office … it’s gloomy as hell outside … my ceiling fan makes the perfect white noise sound … and my eyelids are getting heavier and heavier.

Wake it up LC!

Clearly I’m really good at coming up with goals and ideas, but my follow through is lacking.  A lot.

No apologies here tho.  I have a life.  A messy, wonderful, hectic life … a life that gets in the way and …. ummm … takes on a life of it’s own.  ha!

So I decided to start this week out a little different.

Normally, I’m a SLEEPER.  I love sleep.  I normally fall in bed around 10ish … which is not too early and definitely not too late.  I have friends that stay up until 1 and 2 in the morning still.   I have friends/family with major insomnia issues (Note:  Insomnia still graces my doorway a few times a year … but overall I think I’ve kicked that demon OUT of my head) and they only sleep a few hours a night, if that.   I’m normally a draggy mess in the mornings, crawling out of bed around 7:30ish to make sure the boy child is up for School and then I get “up-UP” a little after 8am … and have to be at work at 9am.

Early mornings … I do not like.

But today (granted I’m taking it to an extreme), I woke up at 4:30 … with a FIRE lit under me.

In 25 minutes I have …

1. Folded the towels in the dryer.
2. Switched the washer load to the dryer so I’d have jeans for the day.
3. Started unloading the dishwasher (we made some FOOD yesterday so I still have another sink full of dishes to start this morning).
4. Put a baby back to sleep (forgot the QUIET factor in cleaning v. sleeping baby land.)
5. Took pictures of my Birchbox/Ipsy bags … which I’ve been meaning to blog about for weeks.
6. Made a Diet Mt. Dew w/ ice and heated me up a little snack.
7. Sorted through my mail – threw out the junk mail – started making myself my weekly ToDo List.

So it’s 5 exactly right now and I’m typing up this blog post.

MAYBE this early morning thing is the key to me getting shit done during the day.

While I DO plan on getting to work earlier than usual today I have tons of time!  Which feels GREAT!

My plan is to hop in the shower and get READY … so I don’t feel like I need to lay back down.  I have so much energy, I just don’t see a reason today.

Then I can finish with the dishes (no way did I want the baby up for the day earlier… and I’m pretty sure her Mommy didn’t either lol) … plan dinner for tonight … throw in some cinnamon rolls for the kids for breakfast … pack the car for the week w the stuff I’ll need from home … keep on with my To Do List which makes me feel super organized … get the kiddo up around 7 and then head my ass to WORK.

Today is starting off GREAT!

Well here we are on Day 3 of my diet and I’m still rocking right along.

Except …. I woke up this morning in PAIN.  Like a lot of pain.  My ankles hurt.  Like OhMyLanta hurt.  I went for a long walk on Monday, but yesterday it was cold and my Daughter needed me to watch Miss Kassi B, so I didn’t do any exercise.   I guess it’s possible that it’s soreness from Monday, but highly unlikely.  I mean, I walked fast and hard 2 miles on my first walk at 5pm and another mile around 9pm while I was bored.  But, I just don’t think this pain is from that.    Normally I can walk nonstop for days and never even feel that sore.

Also, my elbows hurt in the bends … and when I reached my arms over my head to stretch earlier, OMG!  Super crazy pain in my rib cage.

So bottom line, I have all over muscle/joint pain basically.

What I know for sure …  is that I am definitely drinking enough water.  I could up my intake for sure, but I know I’m getting at least 64 ounces per day.   (Most days over 100).  And I haven’t had any juice, soda, tea, etc.  Just water.

My diet for the last three days has basically been no meat and nothing with a bar code (with one exception.)

I’ve eaten bananas, strawberries, apples, lemons and oranges.   Organic spinach leaves, tomatoes, yellow squash, zucchini, and white onion.   A few sunflower seeds and my only bar code … a small portion of peppercorn ranch dressing on my spinach and tomato salad.  Ohh and a little salt and pepper.  And I’m not eating just a little.  I’m eating when I’m hungry.  The fruit mostly for breakfast, with a banana snack in the afternoon.  The spinach and tomatoes for lunch … and the squash, zucchini and onion I steamed on the stove and have heated it up for the past 2 nights for supper.  (It’s my fave!)

So I don’t know if my body is freaking out with the diet change … or if my body really needs something in the meat that it’s used to eating.  Or maybe I’m wrong and I’m just dehydrated … or sore from walking.

Hmmmmm.

On top of my monthly goals (see previous post) I’m going to also set up some weekly goals for myself.  I have the hardest time battling procrastination.    Seems like I do a better job if I can make a list, and stick to it.   So this week here is a list of things I’d like to check off …

1 – Call to make an appointment to get my eyebrows and upper lip waxed.   In desperate need and I always put myself last.

2 – Call and set up an appointment for my little Drewbie dog to get a bath and groomed.

3 – Call and set up another appointment with our accountant.

4 – Get the final two things done to have the books ready to drop off at the accountant.

5 – Finish making myself a budget on my iPad.  I got an app and started entering information, but got distracted and haven’t returned to finish.

6 – Begin Yard Sale prep work.  I have to have a huge sale this year and clean out some of the clutter.

7 – Deposit my Birthday money in my savings account before I end up spending it.

8 – Get my nails done again this weekend.

9 – Have a girls night with a friend, even if it’s only for an hour.

10 – Upload all of the pictures off of my Memory Cards.

11 – Remember to take 8-10 seconds of daily video for a project I’m doing this month.

12 – Get more pictures printed for my Life Project.

13 – ENJOY THE START OF BASEBALL SEASON (Today’s the Season Opener.)

14 – Take pictures of Kassi B with her Easter ears on and in her Cardinal Gear.

15 – Start getting things together for her Birthday Party.

16 – Pick outfits for her first birthday pictures so that her photographer can start planning.

17 – Order her smashcake for her pictures and order her main cake (and smashcake) for her party.

Sounds like a lot, but it’s really not.  A lot of that I can check off with just a few phone calls.  I think I’ll get started right now!

APRIL 1 !!!!!

A whole new month and I’ve decided that I’m gonna meet this month head on!  With goals and determination.  The next 30 days are gonna ROCK!

GOALS!

Let’s DO THIS THING !!!!!!!! 

How’s that for a title.

So yeah.  I had a Birthday on Monday.  Turned 28 years old.  Again.  I think 28 was my favorite age so I’m just gonna stick right here and refuse to move on.  When I’m in a nursing home if one of you crazy people brings me a cake with more than 28 candles on it, we will not be friends any longer.  You’ve been warned.

I’m not gonna lie.  Monday sucked ass.  In a big bad way.  Nothing was going right.  Lost keys.  Return trips home when I needed to be working.  Lost debit card.  No gas in my car.  My dog deciding to have ummmmm ‘tummy’ troubles that day INSIDE my home.  Yeah.    So come the evening time, I was ready to relax.

Step one.  Drink a beer.

Step Two.  Eat at the Pilot House which has the best. damn. bar. food. ever.   Like EVER EVER.  I’m pretty sure they’re not a chain bar .. so if you’re not local already,  you’re gonna have to visit me to discover the greatness.   Seriously hop a plane.  I’ll buy the beer.  Talk about comfort food.   Worthy of one of those Diners, Drive Ins and Dives reviews!  For reals.

So I ate.  And drank (another) beer.  And opened presents.  And then did a little shopping …. for my son ???  Yeah.  Kid lucked out with some pretty sweet Affliction Jeans with me thinking … Hmmmmmmm.  Whose Birthday is it around here ?!?   lol

Naw.  He needed jeans.  It was planned.  I’m a Mom like that.

Step Three.  Get home and open me a bottle of wine and relax.

Overall it was a very Happy Birthday.

Lots of other bells and whistles but gotta see if the basics work first.

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Wanna know a fact about me ???

I LOVE the word FACT!  Love it.  I use it every day.

Example of the way I use the word Fact.   I’ll randomly just blurt out … FUN FACT!  I’m freaking tired.  The End.  (You really do just have to know me in real life to understand my speech patterns.  I have a language all of my own.)

So let’s start a new something here on this lonely blog called Fun Fact!   We could do it every week.  (Ha!  I act like I’m all consistent and shit.  FUN FACT!  I’m not.  Ha!)  But I could and should start with good intentions.   So Yes!  Weekly!

And just an FYI … not all Facts are “Fun” … but they will ALL be called “Fun Facts.”

SOOOOOOOO … Fun Fact #1 - I am a nail biter … and I hate it!   

First of all … I have the tiniest nail beds in all of the land.  I really do.  Add that to constant nervous BITING and Houston, we have a problem.   Well here, let me just SHOW you.

See, it’s bad.  And that right there folks is the LONGEST my nails have been in months.  (Go ahead.  You can be grossed out.  I hate them.  I hate the habit. )

This stuff right here, is my saving grace.  I’ve been using it for 3 days now, and believe it or not, the picture above is GREAT progress.  Like AMAZING progress.  I didn’t think about taking a “before-before” picture, but I guess I should have.  My cuticles are SO much better now (I did have them bit down even worse) … and my nails were literally bleeding.

So the current goal is not to grow out my nails to be long and beautiful on their own.  I just don’t think that’s possible.  The biting habit it strong and embed’d in my brain.   SO my hope is that I can get them to grow enough (and strengthen them up enough) so that I can go back to wearing my acrylics like I used to.  The one and only thing that keeps me from biting my nails…is fake nails.

Pinterest inspiration:

P. S.  My last Fun Fact for the day is that I’m CRAZY jealous of all of you girly girls with amazing nails!  I see your blogs and your Instagrams.  So Cute!

I finally backed up all of the photos from my iPhone5 to my computer.  Finally.

I’m trying to get back into scrapbooking via #projectlife.  It’s a fun, new, somewhat easier way to scrapbook … but to do so … I needed to get some of my photos printed … yanno … on paper.

So I saved on my flash drive this morning.  Uploaded to the store on my lunch hour.  Picking them up after work.  Whee.

In the meantime.  I thought I’d share a few since … I never seem to share pictures anymore.   Ready? Set. Go.

The super yummy shake that I ordered for my Daughter EVEN THOUGH I was low-carbing and couldn’t have one.

That’s true love right there.

Oooooh.  Project Life AND a new iPhone 5 case.  (I kinda accidentally ordered 11 new cases.  Whoops.)

I love this face.  She loves when her Mommy makes her have fun bath time hairdos.

She was seriously TELLING on her Mama.  Kassi B says … MIMI!  Look what my Mama did.

Ohhhhhh No. No. No. No. No no no.

(Channel your inner “Land Before Time” Voice.)

Sweet baby’s first Valentine’s Day!

She was still a sleeping Princess when I left for work on Valentine’s Day.

Did I mention that I LOVE THAT FACE ♥

My Hubs sends pretty flowers.  He knows how to make me smile.

I just buy him beer after a long day.  That works too

Those blue eyes.  The light catches them right … and one Instagram filter later = BLUE EYES!

Swear Jesus.  Little things make my heart smile.  My babies still play tic-tac-toe at restaurants.

My boyfriend is awesome.  That’s a given.

Pretty toes.  Piggy Paint.  Non-toxic.

We have a frame in our bathroom that we leave each other notes on.

Lately it’s been ALL about how many days my Tatum has til he turns 16.

Happens next Tuesday (26th) BTW.

**SOB**

New fun app I found.  Cuptakes.  Ca-ute iPhone/iPad wallpapers.

I love all things girlie.

She slept through my lunch the other day.  But that face.  Those eyelashes.  That sweet chubby little hand.  She melts her Mimi’s heart.

Picture didn’t rotate.  But this is my Son’s truck (*SOB*).  He drove me home in the ice yesterday.  Luckily it didn’t get too back on the actual streets.  Cars, trees and buildings we’re a different story.  Ice City baby.

******************************************

Holy shit!  I actually posted.  And I’m actually scrapbooking this weekend.  Yay Me!

Being a woman is both the best thing in the world … and the worst at times.

Emotional roller coaster.

Up down. Up down.

And after months and months of UP … this week has kinda been … down.

For one, I haven’t been sleeping.  And I know, that plays a huge part in how I’ve been feeling the past few days. It’s a Catch22 in that I don’t know if I’m not sleeping because of the “downness” or if the “downness” is causing the insomnia.

I guess it doesn’t matter either way.  The Down and the Insomnia are both there.  They’re BFFs and always show up at the same time.

So yeah.  There’s the explanation to why I’ve been quiet.  I’m fine … I’m just … BLAH.

I love this Quote.  Very true.   I tend to turn to quotes and music when I’m feeling this way.  Brings in a little extra (much needed) motivation.

Fave Song Lately ????  Mumford && Sons – Lover of the Light.  ”So love the one you hold…And I’ll be your gold…To have and to hold…A lover of the light

Read more: MUMFORD & SONS – LOVER OF THE LIGHT LYRICS

Would love to type up a meaningful post today … but … I can’t.
Cause I have 2 million things to do so that I can leave in the morning for ….
CARDINAL WINTER WARM-UP in St. Louis.
Yup yup.

My Sister, her husband, MY Husband, me and my Son are heading NORTH for 3 days.
(Kassi B are her Mommy are staying home b/c she just isn’t ready to be away from her overnight … which I completely understand. I was the same way.)

Basically, I’ll get to meet a bunch of the players and get autographs (and photos hopefully). There are auctions (not that I have much cashola to spend) and different speaking type people. I don’t know really. I’ve never been. But it sounds like MUCH fun … and just a chance to get away and act like a crazy person for a few days! Whee!

If you don’t follow me on Twitter and Instagram … now is the time to start. I highly doubt I’ll post anything on the ole’ blog here … but updates will fly around over at those two places.

First though … I have to finish up at work, run across town to love on my friend’s baby for a minute, do several loads of laundry, BUY BEER, stock the cooler, PACK, wash my sheets and Clorox wipe my house down (my Mom is going to get some girl time in with my girls and heaven knows you make your house smell like bleach before THE MOM shows up), gas up the car, paint my toenails, give myself a facial, SPRAY TAN … and …. ummmmmm …. I don’t know …. a ton of other things before I go to bed.

Hope all of you have a great weekend.
Much Love!

P.S. I’m gonna be in the SAME FREAKING ROOM AS YADIER MOLINA on Monday!
****Insert FREAK OUT FACE here****
That is all.

I have changed my fucking mind.
Again.
I have decided that I no longer give two shits what any person on the planet thinks of me.
Yep.
That’s right.
That includes YOU in that statement.
Every single one of you.
And I mean that in the most loving way possible, but let me explain.
I used to love blogging.
Loved it.
Was I all over the place with it … YES.
Was I inconsistent and either posted 12 times a day or not at all for months and months … YES.
Did I overshare and reveal too many details of my life and quite possibly make others uncomfortable … YES.
Did I experience bouts of “blog regret” and go on massive deleting sprees … YES.

BUT
(BIG ASS BUT RIGHT HERE)

I loved it.
It brought me joy and happiness.
I made friends and still to this day count them among some of the people I know BEST on the planet.
It was something that I did for ME.

Then … I got weird.
I started overthinking the whole concept.
I got paranoid that people I “knew” might be reading it.
I got scared of what people thought about me putting my life and thoughts on the Internet.
I worried that I was being gossiped about because of something I wrote on my blog.
I didn’t want people to think that my life wasn’t (or was) perfect.
I started censoring myself.

Ohh my kid pissed me off … can’t write about that … someone might think I’m a bad Mother.

Ohh the Husband and I got in a fight … can’t write about that …
people might assume we’re having martial problems or splitting up or something.

I worried that I since I never use proper punctuation, I make constant typos and I can’t spell for shit … that people would think I was stupid.

Etc. Etc. Etc.

To the point that I literally had nothing left to say.
I had put tape over my own mouth because I didn’t want to appear “human” to the outside world.
What “they” didn’t know couldn’t be analyzed or talked about or judged.

I have one thing to say about all of that.
To hell with that shit.
Seriously.
Not one more fuck will be given.

I’m sick and tired of my self-imposed silence.
I am who I am.
Whether I’m thinking “it” in my head or typing it on my blog.
Whether I’m posting it on Facebook (or not) or on Twitter (or not).

Some people in my life don’t even know the real me because I never show them.
Around them I’m quiet and proper.
I don’t cuss.
I don’t drink.
I say the right things (or nothing at all) and I act the way “they” would expect me to act.

Well guess what people … that ain’t me anymore.
I’m much closer to 40 than 30 and through all of these years … I’m still the same person on the inside.
AND
I happen to LIKE WHO I AM.
Better yet …. I LOVE WHO I AM!

I love that I can cuss like a Sailor because it makes me happy … Yet I still know when to be appropriate and mannered.

I love that I HATE “grown up” dress clothes and heels and MUCH prefer a pair of jeans, flip flops and a T-shirt ANY day of the week.

I love that I change my mind on a constant basis and something I may HATE today I will LOVE next week.

I love that I can throw back beers with the boys and fit right in and have no issue at all with having a glass of wine at Noon on a Saturday afternoon if the mood strikes me.

I love that (even though I quit) when I get stressed I’ll totally smoke a cigarette from my emergency stash to make myself feel better.

I love that I can fight and argue with The Husband and go to bed crazy angry just to wake up the next morning and forget all about it and act like nothing happened.

I also happen to love that he and I actually DO FIGHT because it means that we’re both human and that we both have OUR OWN OPINIONS. We’re together because we choose to share this life together and not because we’re identical robot twins.

I love that my kids are real people who make mistakes … and YES … piss me off. Neither of them are perfect (thank Jesus) but they are out there living their lives. Loving and growing and changing and fucking up and making it right and MAKING MEMORIES THEY’LL HAVE WITH THEM FOREVER and creating their own “story” that they’ll tell their kids and grandkids someday.

And most of all … I LOVE THAT I’M A MIMI to a beautiful 8 month old baby girl named Kassi B. In fact, SHE is the reason that I’m writing this post. She has come into my life at the exact perfect time and woke me the fuck up! She has reminded me that I am only going to be on this planet for a very short time and I need to LIVE MY LIFE. What is the purpose of ANYTHING if I’m “acting” or “pretending” or “censoring” everything that I say or think??

So there it is.
LC is back.
Or maybe I’m just now showing up for the party.
I don’t know for sure … but I DO KNOW that from here on out I’m going to REAL …
I’M GOING TO BE ME!

Will I say the wrong thing ??
Will I overshare ??
Will I offend some people ??
Will I make you think twice ??
Will I make you proud ??
Will I disappoint you ??
Will I piss you off ??
Will I make you wonder if I’ve truly lost my mind ??

I CERTAINLY HOPE SO … FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART.
Because if ANY of those things happen … it means I’m letting my TRUE light shine.
It means that I’m showing YOU who I am.
It’s means that the cookie cutter mold of the “perfect life” has been chunked in the trash and I AM FINALLY LIVING OUT LOUD !!!!!!

Much Love